this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I need moral support for this bender
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
did you just send me my own nude
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
