So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
