I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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