Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
