somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
