An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
