I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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