just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
