$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
