He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
