I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
