Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
