Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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