So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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