just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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