my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
