My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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