I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
