Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
