he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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