Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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