Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize