I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
