Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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