Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
