Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize