obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
