How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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