(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize