I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
