If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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