I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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