the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
