I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
