you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
