i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
