My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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