just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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