I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
