Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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