I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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