did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize