I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
