She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
