she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
