there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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