..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What a dumb baby whore.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
