Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
