Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
