Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
