he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm bleeding and have questions
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
