so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
