I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I supernannyed him into submission
You ruined the universe
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
