Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
