I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize