I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
