I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
