I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
