Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
