Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
