Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
