Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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