remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
