Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
