Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
