I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
