I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize