She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize